How to find the way to properly glorify Srila Prabhupada and how articulate the gratitude to His Divine Grace? How express feelings of love when know that those feelings are impure and not worthy of such great personality? Who am I and what have I done to even address His Name in connection with mine? I can only as humble as possible present how His Divine Grace, out of His unconditional, causeless mercy, entered my life.
The story is as follows:
The story is as follows:
When I was a girl between 4-5 years old I was painting alone in a hallway of my parent's home. Suddenly I have remebered how I died in my past life. I passed trought the whole expirience of dying, I felt fear and pain and everything and I remembered me begging the Lord for just one more day to finish the process and surrender.
But there was a clear voice that told me that this life is over, and in the next life time I'll get new opportunity. When this vision stopped I was confused and scared about the above explanation. I did not have any idea to what I wanted to surrender to and what I wanted to finish? And above all I was afraid that in this life time I would not be able to find exactly the same way.
Knowing well that there is nobody around me to whom I could tell what just happened, I was still sitting alone in a fear. Than I had another vision, an elderly, beautiful, kind, male person appeared just for the second to tell me "to find your way in this life time is assured for you". I have never told anyone about this and years passed by. I entered my 19th year. I was pretty enough, had a nice life, many friends, nice home, own car, good boy friend who was a doctor...but I was empty inside all the time.
Than I got an opportunity to buy a Bhagavad Gita. I bought 2 of them, one for me, and one for my mother. We started reading it the very same day and did not stop until we fnished reading the whole book. It took 4 days. We started chanting (wrongly) and less than a month Christmas eve came. About midnight on that Chrismas eve, me and my mother (later Bahlika devi dasi) were walking home trough the streets covered with snow.
Snow was falling down and night was beautiful. Than she asked me "Dina, what is you final decision? How are you going to live from now on? What about KC you have just discovered?" And, most foolish me, answered: "Right now I am not going to surrender to this, but later through my whole life, me and my future husband are going to support KC."
My mother was satisfied and we entered our home. Before sleeping we had tea together and each of us went to our rooms. At 3:15 in the morning, on that very same night while I was deeply sleeping, I heard someone calling me "Dina, Dina, Dina.." I opened my eyes scared, and than I saw again a beautiful, kind, elderly man standing next to my bed. He had an orange outfit and a big orange shawl over His shoulders. He told me: "I came to tell you that such decision you made was made in your previous life time. This is the life when you have to surrender!" And then He left. I got up of my bad and start packing my things. I left my whole life at 4.15 that very same night. In the temple, later on, I saw the pictures of Srila Prabhupada and I recognized Him. A beautiful, kind, eldery man in orange outfit!