ISKCON Victim's Story (D. Dasi)

D. Dasi: I left the association of devotees after 11 years of practice, when the sampradaya dispute started... 1995, I was already injured due to family situation and since Bhagavan resigned I was watching everything very carefully. My luck is that I had always read Bhaktivedanta books so much. I walked away for years. Some of my feelings were really negative, offended and outraged ... but Krishna didn't leave me. He presented Himself to me in different forms and ways.

[PADA: This is what Srila Prabhupada says is the result of false gurus, the victims often feel negative, offended, outraged. In sum, the false gurus hurt other people and especially -- hurt their spiritual lives. This is why the false gurus are called atma hana -- killers of the souls (of others) -- and they are destined to the darkest regions of the universe.] 

For years the Maha Mantra resonated in my language and especially in my mind, it was the echo of years of love singing it. Yes I never made great efforts to sing rounds, actually the greatest fun was when I could sing 64 or more a day... Haridas Thakur my favorite Saint Vaisnava boasted 192 a day. 

But apart from the numbers ... It was Rupa of "food for life" and Nikunja that reconnected me. Rupa told me the right sentence at the right time that I get a little light in my heart and Nik brought me back I want to have humanitarian purposes by adopting a baby in food for life. 

I went back to Vrindaban after 7 years of light off where I put everything and everyone in a black bag. Radharani has always been very merciful with me.... she played easily in my heart. Little Radha Raman was always there with his heart in his hand, as well as the Goswami families. 

I apologized to the Vaisnava for the insults and start again slowly looking for a place for me and my son near the devotees. But I haven't found the place yet. I don't think of philosophical debates where you throw yourself down with each other to support your view of following a particular sampradaya. I find that you make everything clear, that you bring out the worst in you and in me... I have a heart that can't stand it anymore.

[PADA: Well yep, telling everyone to go to the molester messiah's camp, Sridara camp, Narayan camp, babaji camp, etc. has create a massive schism problem in ISKCON.]    

Yesterday I had intercostal dense fog that I lay on the couch ready to die... but nothing. I'm still here confiding my mind to you. I've written in secret diaries for years and now I'm throwing everything on Facebook... yes a cry for help to the universe! What do I do I keep locking myself and my little world? 

Because I have more affection for people and devotees, the more I get hurt when there are debates about philosophy, or about Covid........ I'd rather sing only the Holy Name than live with those who bring others down to raise themselves (and not Krishna) the most fierce and convinced are the ones who fill their heads with notions... maybe because they don't empty their assholes! 

[PADA: Yep, it is amazing there are a number of devotees who send me countless links to politics and Covid issues etc. and they rarely ever say anything about Krishna. Of course, GBC mess dis-connected them from Krishna and so now they have got sucked into mundane affairs.] 

For me the measure is the sweetness that comes out of the lips, actions and looks.... ALWAYS! Yes, always and not just like traders to sell you something or catch souls! 

[PADA: False gurus are materialistic sellers and traders who -- catch souls. Who else could have summed it up so nicely? This is great.]

Stay away from me religious and fans of a God that only serves you to magnify your IO.... another elite, other manipulators, others who in the name of God make crusades with the weapons of words and knowledge.... stay away from me ... don't disturb my ignorance, yes my ignoring all this ′′ spiritual ′′ evolution that is so trivial to me. 

I'm still fleeing and I'll forever flee from a world so sick of reasons or wrongs, of need of purity and of Guru at the height. In Vrindaban you would go to serve, to follow in the footsteps of the pastor, to sing the Holy Name.... but now we argue over the issue of Raganuga Manjari or Rupanuga.... and I fear for a perverted humanity! 

For the photo: I'm not Indian and I honor my body as a gift of life and God. I live with it everyday and if you have problems delete me from your friendships. Why don't I convert to a Vaisnavism contaminated by your ego... I already have mine and that's enough! Krishna is God is not Hindu!

[PADA: Very sad that the GBC gurus have created all this mayhem, just for this one nice lady. Imagine the karma of creating the same mayhem for tens of thousands of people, like Bhagavan and his pals? These guys are going down, unfortunately, they dragged many others down with them. ys pd]