Being a Devotee in Kali yuga by Dina Sharana das (acbsp)

Being a Devotee in Kali yuga

by Dina Sharana das (acbsp)

Hare Krishna! Obeisances to everyone. I wanted to share a minor realization from this younger brother. Recently I have been appreciating, after 43 years, how I am not a devotee like Nanda Maharaj, a cowherd boy, or Draupadi, and I am finding deeper peace on the path. (.. a little humor for you, "really, only now?" )

let me re-phrase the above.. "a refreshing of understanding." I read, we read, how quickly Sri Krishna runs to the help and assistance of His dear devotees, Gajendra, Draupadi, Pandavas, residents of Vrndavana etc., and I must admit to miscalculating my position and suffering for it emotionally. In the last 20 years specifically I have faced above average human sufferings, and I held faith in what seemed to be valid expectations of how Krishna would respond.

I was feeling rather discouraged in recent months, and prayed to our spiritual father to please help me understand what seemed to be glaring contradictions between what is depicted in our bhakti scriptures and my experience. What came to me, gradually, was sparked first by remembering an interesting comment Srila Prabhupada makes, or Srila Rupa Goswami makes in our Nectar of Devotion, at the end of the section wherein the various ways of service are described, and examples given of the benefits.

Srila Prabhupada some of us may remember explains, and I paraphrase, "... that we should not expect as the usual case the benefits described, rather they are given to encourage us to engage in bhakti, not all devotees will have this same experience."

That helped, and some weeks later I remembered a statement purported to have been made by His Divine Grace, that "for many of my disciples it will be 2-3 births before going back to Godhead."

Does anyone know where this can be verified? And I did read this in a couple of conversations, wherein Srila Prabupada commented how truly fallen he saw some of us were.

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I believe some of us share my understanding, how our Spiritual Master was often very "gracious, liberal, and kind" in calling us "devotees." We are all aware some of us, a few, really got carried away with over-inflated ideas of how advanced we were. Not to that extent, but I also have been over-estimating my relationship to Krishna, and what I can expect.

When we have mistaken expectations about anything, naturally we end up feeling discouraged. Mistaken expectation is sure to bring unhappiness. After all this, I just want to share I feel much happier despite so many things, "not going my way" if not worse, although I have spent 43 years actually dedicated, significantly to sharing KC, observing hundreds of ekadasis, chanting millions and millions of Hare Krishna mantras, putting Bhagavad gita into hundreds of people's hands

For the sake of some of us who are feeling or have felt they are or did have a hard time. 

1. In 1983 while deeply, happily, enthusiastically distributing books I got hit by a truck, it ran over my legs breaking my left thigh bone, 21 days in the hospital.

2. After 20 years of sharing a devotional married life my wife became seriously mentally deranged, 150% averse to Krishna and devotees. I was there for another 12 years. Horribly trying ... but helped me develop patience and forgiveness. I lost my wife, three boys, house, walked away with 3 boxes of stuff.

3. In May of this year my rented house burned taking everything I owned and most of my business, that happened after 7 days of the worst agonizing pain in my life followed by emergency surgery.

4. I just filed for bankruptcy and just getting by, barely.

So, YOU too are not alone with challenges of life and KC, we all have our stories to tell.

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I am still who I am! Ha ha ... for me anyway ... a fallen sinful soul of this Kali yuga with some little piety, who has gotten the fabulous opportunity of approaching the eternal spiritual realm, where the cowherd boys and gopis sport and play with our beloved Sri Krishna.... or even Vaikuntha, that is more than I deserve even.

Because I have thought, in previous years, "well, I have so many past sins, of course I will suffer" but now, 43 years down the road I am thinking "what sinful reactions?" How many past sins could I have that have not been destroyed many times over by now?

Good question, but I prayed on this point, and there is the valid understanding of Prarabhda Karma.. I mean to say if a devotee is born blind, they WILL NOT see again in this life, more or less, regardless of what bhakti they do.... isn't?

In other words, what we bring into this life, karma wise, whether blindness, paraplegic condition, ugliness, poverty sort of life, will not change... I HAVE experience many times Krishna's almost instant help specifically with internal remembrance of Him, understanding of Him, inspiration to serve Him, that is for sure and I am ever grateful..

But here I admit my mistake in thinking my material situation might radically be different than what I came into this life with... and I admit my mistake in thinking my devotion somehow of the depth of those who do have such love and devotion.. and experience the benefits thereof.

I am feeling happy really, not quite, but sort of like that brahmana we hear about who danced when told in many hundres of lives he would be back in the spiritual world.. at least I am going!

I feel more peace, having my expectations refreshed to properness. (is that a word?) Has anyone heard this , "..many of my disciples it will take 2-3 lifetimes?" Thank you for your company, and the opportunity to connect with Srila Prabhupada and Krishna by being of service to all of you, as I can.

Hare Krishna.