Tamal Krishna Maharaja Depressed Over Wrong System

http://krishna1008.blogspot.com/2013/08/why-some-say-pada-caused-tamals.html

Recently, Vṛndāvana Prabhu, the president of ISKM Malayā Girl Dhām farm, shared this confession by Tamāla Kṛṣṇa Goswāmī to him. Below is the entire confession.

“I, Vṛndāvana dās joined the movement in the year 1978 in Singapore after reading Śrīla Prabhupāda’s Bhagavad-gītā and his very inspiring Back To Godhead Magazine. I was so overwhelmed and convinced I decided in giving myself to serving Śrīla Prabhupāda. In the year 1979 I was initiated by Hansadutta Swāmī through the Zonal Guru System of initiation that was instituted by the GBC.

In my heart I was always wanting to serve Śrīla Prabhupāda but I was told that Śrīla Prabhupāda had now authorised some of his senior men to become his successor Gurus. Since this was the understanding back then, I accepted it as an order of Śrīla Prabhupāda. Shortly after my initiation I learned that Hansadutta had fallen down, it came as a shock to me has there is no mention of guru falling down in any of Śrīla Prabhupāda’s books. 

I was then told to now repose my faith in Śrīla Prabhupāda which I was most happy to do. Then as I was very happy in this relationship with Śrīla Prabhupāda again I was then told that I had to take re-initiation. This created another shock to me. Owing to the lack of knowledge on this subject I then was again re-initiated by Tamāla Kṛṣṇa Mahārāja in the year 1986.

In the year 1988 I went to Mayāpur, India along with my wife, her mother and sisters to attend the Gaura Purnima Festival. During this festival we all received our Brahminical initiation from Tamāla Kṛṣṇa Mahārāja in his room in the evening. Seeing us all being reinitiated, we could see that something was troubling his mind as he look very depressed. He then spoke to us revealing his troubled mind.

He said to us that if he would have strictly followed Śrīla Prabhupāda’s instruction on initiation there would not have been such a chaos in ISKCON, but it was now too late to change the current system, and this chaos will continue until we revert back to Śrīla Prabhupāda’s original instruction as mentioned in the July 9th letter.

I then questioned him that this action of not following Śrīla Prabhupāda’s instruction is directly disobeying of his orders. He remarked, yes it is.
After I left his room I was totally disturbed with what I have heard from my so called Guru, I could understand that all this initiation and re-initiation is all totally bogus.

I started to repose my faith only in Śrīla Prabhupāda and internally I started to feel a lot of improvement spiritually. As the years went by I started to become more and more convinced that Śrīla Prabhupāda is my real guru. This conviction was strengthened by reading all of Śrīla Prabhupāda’s books, letters and lectures very scrutinizingly. Although I did mention this confession of Tamāla Kṛṣṇa Mahārāja to few devotees that I knew, I did not reveal them publicly because I had by then left the movement and I was not much interested.

Hearing of the activities of ISKM and it’s stand on the system of initiation prompted me to again become a full time devotee to serve Śrīla Prabhupāda.
I am presently the temple president of ISKM Farm in Malaysia where we have a 4 acres of land.”